Posts tagged ‘work’

October 15, 2009

just a little i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t

It is popular belief that every parent wants a better life for their children; that whatever struggles they went through will not be repeated in the lives of their sons and daughters; that some how, some way they raised these little rascals up to be able to learn from others’ mistakes.  Whether it is nurture, nature, or some inner/innate/aged soul within me, I’ve managed to make some progress for the better during this quarter-life crisis.

I don’t know if it is true with everybody, but I do know that it is for most people–We are our worst critics.  I have always had the mentality that if you shoot for the moon you will end up amongst the stars.  Now I understand that the concept of that saying is supposed to be understood as: if you don’t make your mark, you’ll get close to it.  However, we all know that stars are much further than our moon, but hey, maybe the real meaning behind the euphemism is that if you shoot for your Moon, you might even surprise yourself and go beyond it.  Who knows, right?  I just know I’m still shooting away.  For me, I still believe that I will have my beautiful beach castle with an amazing kitchen fit for a French chef and bathrooms that put spa resorts to shame.   I’ll have several best-sellers published, book signings lined up, airline tickets booked, stamps in my passport, and did I mention the most comfortable shoulder to rest on each step of the way?  Reasonable goals; I’m convinced.

I’ve just made a sizeable purchase, something that has been dubbed “a good investment.”  As much as I feel proud of myself, it still feels bittersweet and I’m not sure why.  My friends have been so kind in their congratulations and support, but something feels missing.  Is it because I’m not moving in?  Is it because I’m doing this alone?  I don’t know.

At this point, I understand that nothing goes quite as planned but also that it usually does turn out for the better.  I mean really?  Back in high school, all of my friends were positive we’d own a block in La Jolla and have a motorcycle gang as well as all own the same color Mustang GT.  How’s that for a plan?  But I also thought I would be famous before I turned 18; I would practice acceptance speeches in the bathroom mirror.  Right now, I am going to need to give myself credit for an ordinary accomplishment instead.